borneolady

Happy Chinese Pig Year! The new year is approaching…in almost another week. I’m still not feeling the celebration like how i would used to. Not in the mood…wouldnt be in this year..this CNY would be the worst 1 for me & my family. There are many incidents that happened today that brought me here to pen down my feelings in this blog. First, I went to Segamat today (it’s my job). Witnessed a post-accident that happened. A motocyclist was badly injured as his motor banged into a Mercedes. He broken his legs and wasnt consciuous at first till people called him up. Was lucky as there is an ambulance that passed by. Quickly sent to the hosp. Wondering is the ambulance could made it on time, will my brother be saved? Will he also be celebrating this CNY with us?Now it’s only the three of us…Feeling a bit weird. I’m also afraid that the CNY is approching as i’ll be thinking of TC. My mom will be crying too at the mentioned of him. We missed him dearly. He was taken for granted when he was still alive. I would make him work more, helping out with the house cleaning. He would be quite lazy, but however, will get the things done for u. Then on the eve, after dinner at granny’s place we would go back, n he would either go online or whatever. On the first day of CNY, he would always be the latest to wake up. Around 11pm! Haha..My dad would always use the trick of increasing the volume of the CNY songs played on tv for TC to wake up. Cute guy, would be like so blur..come down, clean himself n have breakfast together. Then would lie on the bed again, watching tv, before mum forced him to get dressed n off to my granny’s place. Then, he would lead the children to play poker cards (nicknamed him "Head of the Children"). He likes children actually. Get very closed to them. Any of them. It’s so cute to see the way he smiled when he sees some chubby kids…and it’s be, ‘…jie, u c the boy…so cute man! so chubby..geram er… can i pinch his cheecks?’ And i’ll like, ‘…u try la’. He’d normally pinch them, provided not under the watchful eye of the parents’. During CNY, we would both rush for the tv controller. It’s quite fun in a sense. Haha…I remember once, the moment my mom opened the door, we would both rushed to the controller. As his legs are longer than mine, he would normally achieved it first…But it doesnt matter…Just for the fun of it. I’ll usually enjoyed my time with him. When he was still alive…i think he’s a nuisance…Now i regretted what i had mentioned. If only i could take back my words & have him back with me again. I dont like the emptiness feeling in me. I dont like the thinking of CNY without him. I just cant bear it..but i couldnt let my parents know…otherwise, it’ll be worse for them. How can i put on a mask when i’m unhappy myself?? I remembered the first year when i went to Sabah. I didnt come back that year for CNY itself. Guess what? My notti bro, called me on the eve n told me whatever nice food that he’s taking. Basket! N i oni have a simple steamboat with my frens. How i wish that i was back in Melaka. N then on the first day, he called me again. Asking me for ang pow! Haha….i jokingly asked him to share his ang pow with me…He told my mom, that I’m so poor thing, gotta celebrate in Sabah, without receiving any angpows there. So, this TC is willing to share his angpows with me. Mind u, this my lovable bro is very kedekut ok…damn kedekut 1…save every penny! N now he’s sharing his angpow with me…I touched my heart. Now at the thought of it, I’m like….dont know what to say..Just that my so-called devillish bro now turned out to be so angellish when i recalled everything. U know, when we were younger, i always cheated his angpows? Haha…Whenever any aunty passed me his share, i’ll keep that to myself. haha…then when we wanna banked in the money, i’ll always have more than him. but, he didnt mind at all.Either he knew, but keep silent or he really didnt know about it. Coz at times, he’ll be a bit blur..haha…But i love my bro…it’s been like almost 9 months, but those things during the funeral still stays vividly in my mind….y?? y this things happen to me?? aarrrgggghhh….hate it!!! Damn Ng Hann Bian! Fucker man! I hope things would not be well for him forever. Killer! Murderer! And know what? How would u feel if u did a mistake? Apologize rite? Till now, we still havent received any from this S.O.B***h. I wished i could kill him with a knife or just had him kill in an accident! I guess his upbringing wasnt so good too. Not even his parents were sorry or apologetic. No! Darn it! One fine day, he’ll stay behind bars…I really hope he does!!! Let him suffer & bully by the in-mates! Or maybe the Death Note book could help me. I want him to die mercilessly! For causing all this to me n my family. For changing the way we used to be…Here, TC, i wish that u’ll be happy & comfortable up there…If u r also celebrating CNY up there, dont forget to share with me ur angpows again ya. Dont so kedekut k. Go buy some new clothes la. Need anything let me ‘know’. Oh yah, TC, n dont gamble so much up there ar…Haha… Hope to have u as my bro again in our next lives. I promise to treat u much better than now…It’s a promise, bro.